Again, they say writer’s block is caused by having too much to say, and not being able to funnel it on to the paper in a productive way.
I feel I like I’ve done all the right things. I know I’m extremely intense at times, my emotions can get the better of me, and I start to boil over, but I’ve tried to keep a lid on it as best as I know how in order to approach things in a way that a resolution can later be found. How is it that two people so deeply in love can see the peace and the love in each other, but yet misunderstand each other time and time again, to a point where everything said is taken in the worst way. And here I am, thinking that I’m making you happy.
Joke’s on both of us, I guess, but Im’ sure neither of us is laughing.
It hurts. It hurts to work at something, to believe you’re making strides, not just in yourself, but in the relationship, to have to think that now, after all that work, it’s best to let each other go. And is it so wrong of me to want to fight and keep that alive? At what point does it become absurd to keep on fighting? Is that my ego talking, not being able to fathom the idea that I just can’t make this work.
So how strong is love actually? We’d like to believe it will make us achieve small miracles, show the light to change for the better, to electrify us with volition to be all that you want me to be….but then again, if you’re loved, it should be for who you are. Wait, that’s two different points….
In one hand, I believe that I love so deeply, that if there is something about me that can be adjusted for the greater good of the relationship, then that love will drive me make the change.
But what about the love received? Shouldn’t that be unconditional love, loving you for who you are, understanding those flaws, and recognizing them, allowing you to look past at that sweet soul that resides behind those dark brown eyes.
Communication…..is always the disconnect. I don’t always come across the way I mean to, a pitfall I believe everyone endures, but I have to talk about things. I have to get them out, bring it out in the open, that’s how my brain works! It helps me to process things and to visualize it. When so much of what is said is misconstrued, it leads to disaster. So maybe a week will hep. Maybe it won’t. Maybe we’ve already locked in the idea of what the other has to offer, what we’ll have to “endure” in love, so much so that there’s no room to recognize the small daily changes that one attempts to make.
The hopeless romantic in me, the optimist, the lover, the one that wants to be there for you as long as you need me, thinks there’s a chance.
Of course there’s a chance!